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when people ask me how i like my job (now that i’m no longer working in mainstream news), i often say that in my previous jobs i’ve loved what i was doing, but haven’t really cared about the medium. while there is room for certain types of creativity, and it can be crazy and exciting, the ideas behind network news tend to box you in, and become very formulaic. in my job now, i still enjoy what i do, but i’m passionate about our delivery and content.

i’ve never been prouder of a product - at this station or others - than i was last night. as far as i’ve seen, every other major news network has been more than eager to give the VA Tech killer a platform by airing his creepy pictures and chilling video. to be honest, when i first heard about the package sent to NBC, my initial reaction (and the reaction of a lot of us who also have network backgrounds) was - how can we get this on our air?! then as things began to unfold - we saw the screenshots, heard what he had to say, watched the video - i became more and more convinced that airing this would be the wrong thing to do. it would be exactly what Cho WANTED everyone to do. it was exactly what most networks did - and extremely thoroughly - bringing in experts, analyzing, running special promos. and in my opinion, with each action, extending the killer’s platform and sphere of influence.

so our department heads had a meeting, where the general consensus was - no we are NOT going to air this. if someone wants to see it, they have plenty of options. we’re not going to play into sensationalizing this upsetting event. i know i’ve said this, but i don’t think i’ve ever been more proud of a place i’ve worked. not jumping on the bandwagon (not all the way, anyway), is part of what i love about this place.

when viewers, families, and friends lashed out at the networks for giving the killer excessive time on air, NBC issued a statement. one of the things they mentioned: “The decision to run this video was reached by virtually every news organization in the world, as evidenced by coverage on television, on Web sites and in newspapers.” As if somehow that makes it OK. this in a nutshell hit me as what’s wrong with network news - at least when it comes to certain situations. they know someone else will get the video, they know someone else will run it. they know it’s sensational and shocking, and in a twisted way people will want to see it. i think they know it’s pandering to the lowest common denominator, but no one’s willing to put their foot down. i know full well that at any of my previous stations i would have had this argument and even if somone agreed with me (even if my boss agreed with me), not airing it would almost not have been an option.

that’s why i have renewed faith for my company. it’s true - we don’t have networks or media companies to answer to. our bosses, CEO and Chairman tend to be on the same page. and i know it’s a little idealistic, but i truly believe that (slowly but surely) we’re changing the face of media. (and that one day i won’t be asked to repeat myself when i tell people where i work. they’ll already know what it is.)

32 kids dying at the hands of some crazed, loner gun man (allegedly) is not something to be happy about. but this monumental tragedy made me truly realize how greatful i am to no longer work in mainstream news.

i have a feeling i know pretty well what’s been going on in newsrooms across the country, from CNN to affiliates in Small Town, USA.  they’ve been figuring out how to provide wall-to-wall coverage, and pretty often grasping at straws.  i’m not saying this shouldn’t be addressed.  and i’m not saying the people in those newsrooms don’t care about what’s happened.  but i was a breaking news girl at one point, too, and watching this all unfold on TV brought back all those memories of scrambling around, rushing to get a story to air.

the victims of the shooting deserve to be remembered.  family, friends, and students need an outlet to express their grief.  the country should see what happened so we can all mourn together.  of course that’s all true.  but it’s what happens between all that that i wonder about sometimes.  having every single anchor on staff (practically) on location?  bringing in so-called experts to analyze what may have happened? bringing in Dr. Phil to analyze what may have happened? trying to illicit staged responses out of students and victims?  branding everything “breaking news” two days after the initial event?  branding it at all - with clever graphics and artsy re-opens? these are the things that cause a media circus.

and i can just visualize what the local stations are doing (fortunately i don’t have a TV at home, so i dont’ feel obligated to find out) - they’re looking for that famed, elusive “local tie.”  the cousin of the girlfriend of the roomate who’s friend was in the building where the shootings happened.  the family waiting by the phone, wondering about the latest update on their wounded neice or nephew.  “we found someone who knows someone, but they’re not at home, what should we do?!”  “get them on the phone in the sound booth and tell master to roll on it!”  “get the chopper up over their house and have them nextel us the second they see someone!”  (ok, i made that last one up, i’ve never actually HEARD anyone say that, but i’m not putting it out of the realm of possibility).

this is kind of how i’d been living for the past few years (which on the grand scale of careers is really nothing, i suppose).  the more breaking news alerts we had, the more live remote interviews we set up, the more reporters were out on the scene, the more people we had that were willing to talk - on cam, in studio, on the phone, live, on tape, sound cut down, entire press coferences - GIVE ME ALL OF IT!!! - i even had a news director who would let me run a half-hour newscast overtime, and into scheduled programming, if the content was “truly compelling.” (so much for backtiming …) i truly wanted to get the best story out to the viewers (and i still do - and i’m sure most broadcasters do as well) - but i got caught up in the culture of the newsroom.

i didn’t realize until this tragedy, that i had been losing the ablity to feel truly sad at someone else’s pain.  i could think to myself, “that’s sad.”  but it’s like i couldn’t formulate the proper emotional response.  i suppose working in the media -network, cable or current - will do that to you.  but now, i have the opportunity to connect the viewer to the people who were actually there, to let them hear the victims speak their mind for seven minutes - not 7 seconds.  and THIS makes me truly happy.

i can be a bitchy, opinionated person, but the other thing is, i’m pretty passive aggressive. if someone’s annoying me, i might be rude to them (like purposely bump into them if they’re checking their cell phone while walking and not paying attention …), but i rarely confront random people because of their actions. the other day i decided to change that.

I was on the bus (where most annoying injustices occur), and this lady was sitting up in front, a few seats away from me. the front seats are supposed to be reserved for “seniors, and persons with disabilities,” and she was probably a senior, so whatever. the thing was, she had a heap of bags taking up the seat next to her. on an uncrowded bus, i do this all the time, so i don’t have to put my stuff on the floor, but this particular bus was becoming more and more crowded, and she didn’t move them. then, an older man got on, looking like he could hardly pull himself up the bus steps - and that hanging on to the handrail instead of sitting down might be the end of him. the lady didn’t volunteer to move her stuff, so he kindly asked her to do so. she got all huffy and proceeded to take FOR-EV-ER to pull her precious packages off the seat. when she finally had a few down, and was in the process of removing the last, the man sat gingerly on the edge of the seat - not trying at all to sit all the way back against her bags, but just enough, i’m guessing, to be able to give his body a rest. the woman pushed against his back, and flipped out - accusing him of wanting to sqash her stuff, and abruptly said, “EXCUSE ME, i’m not DONE.”

so i spoke up. i said, all he wants to do is just sit down. she got even more defensive and said, i was just trying to move my stuff. i know my rights, i am ALLOWED to have stuff on that seat. i replied and said, he’s supposed to be able to sit there and it’s just not fair that you would take a seat for yourself and a seat for your bags (or something to that effect). then she launched into this speech about how she was a lawyer, and she “wished she had her business cards on her,” and she knew she HAD THE RIGHT.” now, i don’t know how someone could be so mean and bitchy that they would actually get pissed about having to move their bags so an OLD MAN could sit down (it’s not like she even had to give up her seat)! but the cool thing was, everyone around me started to back me up. i bet six or eight people chimed in about how they couldn’t believe what she was doing, and how it wasn’t right that she should get TWO seats.

in the scheme of the universe, it was kind of a small victory. but, it was such a great feeling to know that i had SAID what all these people were thinking - and i think i’ll start doing it more often. awful people like that, who have gone through their lives doing rotten things, deserve to know that in general, society doesn’t agree with their behavior - and sometimes all it takes is one voice.

oh - and as i got up to get off at my stop, the crazy, angry lady - who was probably the same age as my grandmother - kicked me a few times in the shins as i made my way out of the bus. i just let it go, it was so petty. maybe she IS a lawyer …