stella6.com

Since i work in TV, and - contrary to popular belief - therefore make a relative pittance, and because I have a spa/clothing/shoe/travel addiction, I’ve been doing some freelance work.  now, like any good 20-something in a big city, i manage to get most of my jobs off of craigslist. so, since things like craigslist exist, i’m sending my resume out online, and i haven’t used a typewriter since i was a kid, i’m forced to believe it’s sometime in the 21st centry. how then, can lines like this one still exist?:

Women and persons of color are encouraged to apply.  

Really?  i mean, the job sounded so complicated, i figured only a man could do it, but then i saw this empathetic note, and wow, now i really feel empowered!  i think i WILL apply!

seriously, what the hell? ok, i get the “equal opportunity employer” thing, and maybe this is just a stipulation that goes along with that.  but it sounds so frikkin condescending. we’re “encouraging” you to apply.  you might just need that little nudge.  thanks, but i’ll apply for whatever the hell jobs i feel like. i don’t need you to give me your blessing.

32 hours.  That’s the amount of TV people in my demo (18-34) watch EACH WEEK - and surprisingly, the numbers are even higher for kids and families younger than me.  so i wanna know - how is this possible, and who are these people that have 32 hours to spare?! that’s almost an entire week of work spent just in front of the TV.  sure, i’m sure some people are skewing the results by constantly having the TV on in the background and what-not, but even if you watch eight hours of TV each weekend day, that’s still more than three hours you’d have to watch each weekday. i can see watching a DVD every now and then, or vegging out on your favorite show, but THREE HOURS is still a lot, and that’s assuming you’re spending ALL DAY saturday and sunday doing nothing but watching TV.

now, i’m probably not the person to talk to about this since i don’t even have a TV. when people find this out, they always look at me kind of dumbfounded and ALWAYS ask, “what do you DO?”  maybe these are the people watching 32 hours each week.  i’m not completely blameless, b/c we do have a computer with some of our favorite shows, and we do watch DVD’s.  but i just don’t think in terms of  flipping the TV on just to see what’s airing.  I have far too many other interests i’m always trying to find time for, TV is kind of an afterthought, like if i wanna veg for 20 minutes at the end of the day.

so what DO i do?  i write, a LOT.  some of it is for me, for projects i’m working on.  some of it is for companies i’m freelancing for - and if you think of it in terms of having an extra 32 hours a week, that’s a helluva lot of extra money from freelance jobs.  i’m a member of the junior league.  i volunteer. i read. i spend a lot of time with friends. i belong to groups that focus on things i’m interested in, like writing and producing. i go to the gym a lot.  i take yoga. and belly dance. and ballet. and at the end of the (sometimes really long) days, i feel really good about all that - which is MUCH more than i can say for myself if i’m hanging out in front of the TV.

oh, and while we’re on the subject, probably more disturbing to me - what are KIDS AND FAMILIES doing spending more than 32 hours watching TV?  i hate to be all “when-i-was-growing-up-and-we-walked-to-school-in-the-snow” but when i was growing up (i didn’t much live in places that snowed, but) i sure as hell wasn’t watching even three or two hours of TV a week.  if we did all our chores on time we were allowed to pick the 1/2 hour of TV we wanted to watch on saturday mornings.  that was it. 1/2 hour. and whatever educational programming my parents made us watch.  so i have to ask, where are these kids’ parents?? and how much TV are these kids going to be watching when THEY’RE 18-34?

here’s my first group of entries on HubPages:

it’s about the importance of internships in the TV/Journalism industry.

i’ll write more later …

i’m going to be writing for this website called HubPages. it’s basically a place where people talk about their areas of “expertise,” and give tips and advice in that area. except for the “entertainment” section, where people apparently like to post hot pictures of some of their favorite celebs. i don’t know what that’s about, but i guess somebody’s gotta be an expert on hottness.

anyway, i’m going to be writing a lot about the journalism/TV industry - insider tips and dirt! i’ll be posting the links here when i do, and in the mean time, check out hubpages.com

when people ask me how i like my job (now that i’m no longer working in mainstream news), i often say that in my previous jobs i’ve loved what i was doing, but haven’t really cared about the medium. while there is room for certain types of creativity, and it can be crazy and exciting, the ideas behind network news tend to box you in, and become very formulaic. in my job now, i still enjoy what i do, but i’m passionate about our delivery and content.

i’ve never been prouder of a product - at this station or others - than i was last night. as far as i’ve seen, every other major news network has been more than eager to give the VA Tech killer a platform by airing his creepy pictures and chilling video. to be honest, when i first heard about the package sent to NBC, my initial reaction (and the reaction of a lot of us who also have network backgrounds) was - how can we get this on our air?! then as things began to unfold - we saw the screenshots, heard what he had to say, watched the video - i became more and more convinced that airing this would be the wrong thing to do. it would be exactly what Cho WANTED everyone to do. it was exactly what most networks did - and extremely thoroughly - bringing in experts, analyzing, running special promos. and in my opinion, with each action, extending the killer’s platform and sphere of influence.

so our department heads had a meeting, where the general consensus was - no we are NOT going to air this. if someone wants to see it, they have plenty of options. we’re not going to play into sensationalizing this upsetting event. i know i’ve said this, but i don’t think i’ve ever been more proud of a place i’ve worked. not jumping on the bandwagon (not all the way, anyway), is part of what i love about this place.

when viewers, families, and friends lashed out at the networks for giving the killer excessive time on air, NBC issued a statement. one of the things they mentioned: “The decision to run this video was reached by virtually every news organization in the world, as evidenced by coverage on television, on Web sites and in newspapers.” As if somehow that makes it OK. this in a nutshell hit me as what’s wrong with network news - at least when it comes to certain situations. they know someone else will get the video, they know someone else will run it. they know it’s sensational and shocking, and in a twisted way people will want to see it. i think they know it’s pandering to the lowest common denominator, but no one’s willing to put their foot down. i know full well that at any of my previous stations i would have had this argument and even if somone agreed with me (even if my boss agreed with me), not airing it would almost not have been an option.

that’s why i have renewed faith for my company. it’s true - we don’t have networks or media companies to answer to. our bosses, CEO and Chairman tend to be on the same page. and i know it’s a little idealistic, but i truly believe that (slowly but surely) we’re changing the face of media. (and that one day i won’t be asked to repeat myself when i tell people where i work. they’ll already know what it is.)

32 kids dying at the hands of some crazed, loner gun man (allegedly) is not something to be happy about. but this monumental tragedy made me truly realize how greatful i am to no longer work in mainstream news.

i have a feeling i know pretty well what’s been going on in newsrooms across the country, from CNN to affiliates in Small Town, USA.  they’ve been figuring out how to provide wall-to-wall coverage, and pretty often grasping at straws.  i’m not saying this shouldn’t be addressed.  and i’m not saying the people in those newsrooms don’t care about what’s happened.  but i was a breaking news girl at one point, too, and watching this all unfold on TV brought back all those memories of scrambling around, rushing to get a story to air.

the victims of the shooting deserve to be remembered.  family, friends, and students need an outlet to express their grief.  the country should see what happened so we can all mourn together.  of course that’s all true.  but it’s what happens between all that that i wonder about sometimes.  having every single anchor on staff (practically) on location?  bringing in so-called experts to analyze what may have happened? bringing in Dr. Phil to analyze what may have happened? trying to illicit staged responses out of students and victims?  branding everything “breaking news” two days after the initial event?  branding it at all - with clever graphics and artsy re-opens? these are the things that cause a media circus.

and i can just visualize what the local stations are doing (fortunately i don’t have a TV at home, so i dont’ feel obligated to find out) - they’re looking for that famed, elusive “local tie.”  the cousin of the girlfriend of the roomate who’s friend was in the building where the shootings happened.  the family waiting by the phone, wondering about the latest update on their wounded neice or nephew.  “we found someone who knows someone, but they’re not at home, what should we do?!”  “get them on the phone in the sound booth and tell master to roll on it!”  “get the chopper up over their house and have them nextel us the second they see someone!”  (ok, i made that last one up, i’ve never actually HEARD anyone say that, but i’m not putting it out of the realm of possibility).

this is kind of how i’d been living for the past few years (which on the grand scale of careers is really nothing, i suppose).  the more breaking news alerts we had, the more live remote interviews we set up, the more reporters were out on the scene, the more people we had that were willing to talk - on cam, in studio, on the phone, live, on tape, sound cut down, entire press coferences - GIVE ME ALL OF IT!!! - i even had a news director who would let me run a half-hour newscast overtime, and into scheduled programming, if the content was “truly compelling.” (so much for backtiming …) i truly wanted to get the best story out to the viewers (and i still do - and i’m sure most broadcasters do as well) - but i got caught up in the culture of the newsroom.

i didn’t realize until this tragedy, that i had been losing the ablity to feel truly sad at someone else’s pain.  i could think to myself, “that’s sad.”  but it’s like i couldn’t formulate the proper emotional response.  i suppose working in the media -network, cable or current - will do that to you.  but now, i have the opportunity to connect the viewer to the people who were actually there, to let them hear the victims speak their mind for seven minutes - not 7 seconds.  and THIS makes me truly happy.

From Broadcasting to Boardroom

That title isn’t completely accurate since I’m technically still in the broadcasting industry, but it kind of describes the shift I’ve felt over the past year. I was reading about how women typically don’t make as much as men (no shocker there, really), and the author was contending sometimes women don’t put up a fight for that extra three or five grand because they think - that much money isn’t that big a deal, it’s not worth the hassle.  But in ten years, that can be the difference between an extra few years of work (I’m not being totally accurate, but that was the basic point).  I am TOTALLY guilty of thinking that way - so this article got me thinking about how I ended up there - it has a lot to do with the mentality that was cultivated through some of my past jobs.

I started out in small market news.  I was making less than 20 grand. I went to work for a station I’d interned at throughout college, and I figured (this is how they get ya!), some money was better than an unpaid internship, even if my hourly pay worked out to about minimum wage.  Plus I was doing what I loved, which made it a lot easier to swallow.  Then I accepted a similar job at a similar station, making a little more, and I was thrilled.  Again, I didn’t negotiate a salary, since I was happy to get over that 20-grand hump.  Of course, after working 12 hour days and overnights, doing two - sometimes three - people’s work, all for little or no reward, I began to think asking for more wasn’t such a bad idea.

At this point also, you have to understand, the money in TV is shit.  Unless you’re at a network level as an anchor, you’re scraping by.  On the lower levels, it really doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or girl, on-air or behind the scenes, 19 grand is 19 grand is 19 grand.  I felt gypped but hey, we ALL felt gypped. Plus, we were “doing what we loved,” so we all took it. If we didn’t, there were 20 thousand recent college grads that would. That’s the mentality I had.

It was also the same mentality that led me to believe (and rightfully so) that I could do the best at the job I was in, but that was pretty much it.  In that type of TV news, moving up in markets is pretty much all you have, unless you want to make the jump to news director - but I never did.  I had almost NO business mind-set (except for the little tidbits Ryan tried to teach me).  Sure, news is a business. DEFINITELY.  But all the business-type stuff takes place in corporate offices at the companies that own the affiliates, or at the network itself, if you’re owned by them.  At the very least, it goes on the in the sales offices of the affiliates - where the news people never venture.  I thought I’d produce news forever - hopefully in a bigger market, maybe at a talk show, maybe as an executive producer.  I ADORED my career, but for what I wanted to do, there really wasn’t a corporate ladder to climb.

Then I moved to the big city. After freelancing at the big networks, proving to myself that I could hack it, making more than twice what my pay had been before, then realizing I didn’t want to go into work at midnight or 3 am for the rest of my life, I ditched network news for a hip, green, cable company start up.

There are things I miss about network news, but I’ve never looked back. I’m still in the TV biz, and working at a relatively new start-up (albeit, with an already-huge staff, and amazing funding and sales) is at once exhausting and rewarding, frustrating and perfect.  I’ve been here for almost 8 months, and that initial new-job “glow” has worn off a little, but never been completely tarnished.

Anyway, working at an actual “business” - with presidents, SVPs, directors and coordinators - that’s still trying to find its feet, presents amazing opportunities.  I’m not pegged in to one job, and it took me a while to realize that.  As our company grows, I can assume more responsibility.  I can pitch creative ideas that actually get accepted and encouraged.  I can dream as big as I want to, and as long as I back it up with a proposal, someone will at least give the pitch more than just a cursory glance.  I have bosses I love (shocking!), who I strive to learn from and emulate (even more shocking!).  I’ve started looking at this as more than just a job, and realize the opportunity I have to move up and on to things I didn’t even know I could or wanted to be.

So, to bring this back to getting paid … when I got this job, I did just accept what was offered me, while also telling my boss what I’d like to be making in the near future - which was a big step for me.  I guess, even though I’ve always been a career girl, now I’m taking more initiative with that career.  I’m becoming more of a business girl.  I meet with my boss to discuss my ideas and goals.  I write proposals (a year ago, I didn’t even know what a proposal was…).  I’m increasing my value, so when the time comes that I ask for more money (something I still hate to do); I’ll actually get it.

things have been a little … crazy … at work lately. all the stress got me thinking that, while the long hours, drama and excess requirements are wearing on my last nerve - mentally, physically, emotionally - any one of these intese days is totally different from what i would consider my worst day at a job.

it happened at my last job, when i was producing a two hour morning show all by myself. All BY *MYSELF.* just me, my computer, the scanners, and some weird guys back in master control, from around midnight till 3 a.m., when the photogs, talent, and crew came in. anyway, this particular day was a culmination of several weeks of annoying phone calls from this guy that wanted to be on the show. i worked in a medium-sized market (obviously - what kind of larger market would force an entire two hour show on one producer?), so people rarely ever searched ME out, wanting to be on the show. i mean, it was no Good Morning America. i spent hours researching local activities, keeping on top of city even calendars, staying in touch with my “contacts,” having my sleep interrupted, to get good, interesting info and guests on my show. true, it WASN’T GMA, but why should that stop me from making in the best it could be?

so when this guy called me, i was initially intrigued. he WANTED to be on my show!! the more he talked, the more he started to be pushy, and REALLY annoying about trying to get on the show. i could only imagine what someone like that would be like when he was actually on TV. he was a singer from some old school band that had been popular in the 70’s. to get off the phone, i told him i’d think about it, and talk to my crew. of course i didn’t have to do that, and rarely did, since the talent pretty much trusted my judgement. basically, i’d already decided i didn’t want him on the show, and was trying to give him the brush-off - nicely.

a couple days later, he called again. this time i told him my decision - that i didn’t think it would work out. in all honesty, we WERE booked. although i didnt have people begging for time slots, because of my diligence, i usually managed to fill the show’s guest slots, almost fully, about three or four weeks out. so that’s what i told him. well, he wouldn’t take no for an answer. as he continued to (pathetically) joke, and try to sell himself, i became more convinced i’d made the right decision. after a few mintues i had to cut him off - i was a one-man-producing show, and i had work to do.

i wish i could say that was it, i was a little curt, and it was over. but this post is titled “the worst day ever,” so you know that’s not true. he KEPT calling, which is like the worst PR ever. if someone doesn’t want you on their show, the way to change their mind is NOT to call and badger them, especially when you already know they are completely SLAMMED from 10 pm till 3 am. he called a few times in the next week or so … and i just got sick of dealing with him b/c he had actually turned beligerent. so i told my boss the whole situation, he told me to pass the guy off on him, and i did.

i’m assuming my boss told him exactly what i had - this is our call, we’re booked, please don’t hassle us any more. case closed, i forgot about it.

then maybe a week later, i was in the booth, about 15 minutes from the end of my show when some random guy showed up. IN THE BOOTH. it was HIM. now, a TV station is usually totally locked down, so another issue was, how the hell did this guy even get in here?? an issue i resolved when i discovered who the offender was. but anyway, i now had mr. beligerent essentially in my office, uninvited. he gave me the whole schpiel about why he should go on, he was this historic music icon, he’d played w/michael jackson, etc, etc. all the while i’m TRYING to effing PRODUCE A SHOW. i have anchors talking to me in my headset, photogs asking questions, my Technical Director and crew are dont’ know what’s going on, plus, we’d just opened our phone lines for a contest and of course it was my job to answer them.

let me re-explain how NOT to convince a producer to let you on their show. do not call and be annoying. do not be rude. do not force them to turn you over to their bosses (who, by the way, if they’re good bosses and the producer is a good employee, will always side wiith the employee). and for fuck’s sake DO NOT violate what the boss told you, what the producer told you, and what the security system should have told you, and show up IN THE PRODUCER BOOTH. with 15 minutes left in the show. even if you were Jesus Himself, how in His name am i supposed to fit you in, when i now have ten minutes left??!!

so i argued with the guy (in between talking to the anchors, answering phones, giving weather cues, and so forth) for a few minutes and finally told him - i am doing a show here. this is rude. i don’t know how you got it, but you can go wait in the green room. then he had the nerve to argue with me, until he eventually gave in and hauled his annoying ass to the green room.

after the show, i went back to the newsroom and met up with my anchors and crew, and told them who had decided to come in anyway. (they knew the whole story up to this point, as they’d been getting daily updates since the beginning.) i was SO PISSED OFF, that my entire anchor team - who totally had my back - volunteered to go talk to him and at least ask him to leave until normal business hours, when our boss came in, since at this point it was only 7 a.m.

if i remember correctly, the guy left, and i called my boss, hysterically angry, explaining to him what had happened. he said he would come in right then. by the time my boss got in, crazy musician had returned to the green room (if he ever left), and my boss headed in to talk with him. i followed, of course, feeling the need to defend myself. i listened to the guy go on a tirade about how all the other stations in town had given him air time (probably b/c their producers weren’t as strong as i was!), how he was this great musician, had been in this band, performed with these people, and of course this young, underqualified producer wouldn’t put him on the air b/c she didn’t know who he was. she was uneducated and incompetent.

that’s where i lost it. i returned with a tirade of my own: not only is that not true, it has nothing to do with knowing who you are or not. you called me incessently, didn’t listen, then CAME INTO MY BOOTH. why would you expect me to put you on air when you would do something like that?

he started back in with the incompetent, uninformed, young producer bit again, and i walked away - leaving my boss to handle it. i stormed into the bathroom, and for the first and only time in my life while at work, bust into tears. How DARE someone act SO rudely, so unprofessionally, then question MY skills. the fact alone that i saw through him and refused to have him on the show proved to me that in that area, i WAS skilled. i didn’t regreat my decision one bit. it might have been easier to give in after the first couple phone calls, but i wasn’t just being stubborn because he was annoying, i was refusing to let him get away with tormenting me into giving him his way. anyone who would act like that didn’t deserve any air time.

my anchor came into the bathroom a few minutes later, and told me my boss was totally standing up for me, and not letting the Crazy Man get away with treating us that way. which made me happy, but not as happy as what one of the photogs told me a few days later. he said he’d been watching some of the other stations, and had seen Crazy McSinger on every other morning show. in a normal situation, i would have been panicking, if we were the only station to miss out on covering something and it happened on my watch. but in this case, i knew i’d done the right thing. plus, my photog told me Crazy had totally dominated the segments he’d been on, talking about himself, and not letting the anchors get a word in edgewise. in a weird way, i had my revenge. i’d held my show up to my personal standard i’d set for it, and i was really happy about it.

i think this credit card company is just laughing in the consumer’s face. and rightly so. the irony of the whole ad campaign dawned on ryan and i as we saw the commercial one night (while watching something online, of course). still, it took me several times of hearing it before i got it. the company’s name is chase, and at first brush you think the card’s name is something akin to visa platinum. chase freedom. on the surface i guess that’s right. but then the tagline is, “your choice, your chase.”

it’s so geniusly ironic to me that a credit card company is tellling you, in essence, to “chase freedom.” how fitting! how many people will spend their time doing just that, because of credit cards. never really being free from that balance. losing more and more of their freedom with every dollar they charge. how many americans lay awake at night wondering how they’re going to pay that next bill. how many people just resign themselves to living an unfulfilled life, wallowing in debt.

i’ve never had a credit card, and grew up a little differently, so i’ve never dealt with this, and ryan and i are living out a plan to make sure we hopefully never have to. but as i’ve gotten older i’ve realized *i’m* more of the exception in this situation. this IS the reality for most people. so it’s your choice. what will YOU chase?

(Feb 1, 2007)

I’ve always said one of the reasons I need to be on a coast is because I love the water and can’t stand being land locked. Then people point out – you don’t live on the beach, you can’t see it from where you are, and you don’t go all that often. All that is true – but for me that never really mattered. Knowing it was there was always good enough for me.

But now, another one of the randomly wonderful aspects of my work is, it’s on the Embarcadero, right across from the water. I ride the train right under the Bay Bridge and along the marina every morning. I take this for granted. I know that because I’d been doing this routine for about 5 months before it really dawned on me just how perfect this situation was. This was my ideal. Boiled down, this was one of the reasons why I moved back to California (although I knew I should never have left!), and into San Francisco. To be in such a perfect city.

So I’ve been trying to really focus on how lucky I am every morning, when my cross-city commute takes me through some of the most beautiful (non-vacation) landscape ever. I see a picturesque downtown as I walk to the metro every morning – the highrises, the amazing architecture, even the americorp building. Then when my train pops up from underground on the Embarcadero I go right by one of my coolest sculptures ever – a crazy huge bow and arrow made to look like it’s crashing into the ground. Then there’s the bridge, the mini-park, the boats parked in the marina, the palm trees.

Today as I thought about it all, I actually got a little teary-eyed. I am SO lucky. And sometimes I don’t live in the moment enough to really taste that. I have the most amazing job, at the most unbelievably cool company - which I randomly fell into before I could even realize what an opportunity it was. I live somewhere that I’m actually excited about and proud of (if you can be proud of a place you live). It’s been a long time since I felt that way.

I think some people just have places written on their hearts. Since I didn’t like Colorado, it was really hard for me to understand how people could be so in love with it. But I can’t judge them if that’s where they feel drawn to be. All I knew was I just didn’t have “that feeling” about it. (my anchors – who had been gone from CO for a while – once said that they just couldn’t stay away. I remember thinking, “are you kidding me? Whenever I go visit somewhere else, I cry when I have to get on the plane to come back here!” And I really did cry.)

Now I have the “feeling” again – and I don’t expect it to be the last time I do. There are a lot of cities out there with a lot to offer, and I plan to live in a lot of them. For now though. I’m going to do something that’s tough for me – try and focus on tasting the moment I’m living in now.